i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
