last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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