Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
