If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
