I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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