just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
