I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
