you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
