Your face is a jimmy john
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
