You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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