What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
