i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
