you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
