why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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