I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
