yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
