2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
