bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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