i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
you made out with another girl for some wings
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
