I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
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We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
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i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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