escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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