Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
