i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
His hands were made for my vagina.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
