I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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