I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
