Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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