12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
