umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
