The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.