your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?