We got so high we made milksteak
Come see our sink grown plant.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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