When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is Oprah even human
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
