She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Enjoy the penises
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
