Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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