Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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