I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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