Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
