You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.