1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...