Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she looked like the before picture.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.