TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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