Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs