Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.