I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
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Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.