I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
