i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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