Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
