It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
