Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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