took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
