i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
