I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
