OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
