My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
