I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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