i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
