I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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