Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
