I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
