So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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