Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
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just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
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At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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