alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
