My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
nutella sex= disaster
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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