You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
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you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
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2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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