Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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