flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
