i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
