Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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