Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Randomize
