do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
