you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I want her autograph on my taint
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize