A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
