he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
