I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I stole a fireplace last night.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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