Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
