my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
