i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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