He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
